Magicians aren’t the only platform presenters who suffer from WWS: Wasted Word Syndrome.
This morning I saw a paid, captioned video ad from a business facilitator who began his entire pitch with what I believe are the most common wasted words in magic: “What I ______ is I _______.”
In magic it’s typical to hear something like, “Now, what I want you to do now is, I want you to pick up any one of these objects and hold it behind your back.”
See the wasted words? The words “what I want you to do now is, I want you to” could be completely eliminated. They could also be replaced with the single word “please” and the line would instantly become more polished as well as more “in control” and direct. “Now, please pick up any one of these objects and hold it behind your back.”
Can you see the wasted words? “What I do is” is unnecessary and weak. It could be eliminated completely, or replaced with the stronger word, “meaning.” I would also consider replacing “go into companies and I” with something like “help companies like yours by,” since it’s presumably an attempt to persuade. Even better, say “people like you.”
“I’m a professional facilitator. If you are leading a team, company, or association through a challenging situation, I help people like you lead their people to talk with each other more constructively and accomplish more when they meet.”
For me, it might be something like this:
“I’m a professional meeting host and experience consultant. If your business isn’t amazing your customers, employees, or other audiences the way it should, I equip you to think about it differently and do it more effectively.”